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A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night:
5% said it was to get a glass of water.
12% said it was to go to the toilet.
83% said it was to go home.
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Woman: Can I get Viagra here?
Pharmacist: Yes.
Woman: Can I get it over the counter?
Pharmacist: If you give me one of them, you can!
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A man goes on vacation to the Caribbean, quickly falls asleep on the sand and ends up with a wicked sunburn.
Wincing in pain as even a slight wind touches his scorched skin, the man hobbles off to the local doctor for help.
The doctor takes one look at the man's legs and says, "I don't have anything to treat sunburn that bad. Try taking these Viagra pills."
"I've got sunburn!" cries the man. "What the hell's Viagra going to do?"
"Well, nothing for the sunburn," the doctor replies. "But it will help keep the sheets off your legs tonight."
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This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home.
He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before.
He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."
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Then there was the depressive patient...he liked to take Viagra and Prozac together...because then if he couldn't get it up--he didn't care!
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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.
So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.
She says, 'Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table.'
The doctor says, 'I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.'
'Naah...' she says, 'that's okay. We wouldn’t go back to that restaurant anyway.'
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There once was a man who could not keep it going with his wife.
He went to the doctor who gave him some sex pills. There was a label on the bottle that said "Take one pill for a great night." The man thought that he wanted a stupendous night so he downed the whole bottle.
In the morning the neighbors came over to find the man's son sitting on the porch crying.
"What's wrong?" they said. The boy replied, "Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my butt hurts and dad's in the basement yelling 'here kitty"
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Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8 ) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's OK when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
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